this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Randomize
