I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
