She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
i think my cat just said my name.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
