I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
