I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
And then my night got REAL pukey
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
