Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
