Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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