we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I have tasted many bathrooms
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
