i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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