i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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