Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
