remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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