she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
MIDGETS
????
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
