brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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