i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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