roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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