Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
