Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
