I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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