I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
