oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
