She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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