i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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