hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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