Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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