I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
