I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
