On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
We had to coat check the pizza.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
