I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
