me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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