dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I lost the right to judge tonight
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
