Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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