Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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