My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
