get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
