Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
This is my gift to your gina
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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