Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
