dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
