I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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