singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
