I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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