Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
