dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
