Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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