Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
