either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
