I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
