I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
