Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I need to stop coming to work sober
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
