I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
