I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
