I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
