I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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