Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
