I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
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