i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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