Sry I called you an 8
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
